


Is it a Game of Cat and Mouse, or Tom and Jerry?

by GiveMeTheStrapOn



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Face Sitting, Light BDSM, Prompt Fill, Rampant use of OCs, criminals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28646253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiveMeTheStrapOn/pseuds/GiveMeTheStrapOn
Summary: The never-ending chase of a world class criminal is best interrupted by kinky sex in a vault full of money. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.Prompt:I was hoping you'd be able to write a story where "Detective Jan Clues" apprehended a fugitive convict, and little person, Lepra Con. And then they have a fun gratuitous romp with as much creative liberty/fun you can muster.
Relationships: Lepra Con(OC)/Jan Clues(OC), Past Relationship - Jan Clues(OC)/Alex(OC)
Kudos: 1





	Is it a Game of Cat and Mouse, or Tom and Jerry?

**Author's Note:**

> This was a commission piece I did from a reddit post about absurd pairings and ridiculous erotica between whomsoever the commissioner chooses! If you're interested in commissioning a piece, whether similar to this one or different, hit me up either on twitter (@StrapInBoys) or reddit (u/GiveMeTheStrapOn).
> 
> I hope you like this absurd story!

Detective Jan Clues couldn’t believe his luck. After months and months of searching, sleepless nights, wild rantings, near misses, and a few embarrassing wet dreams thrown in for good measure, he finally found himself within reach of his nemesis. Finally, here he stood, in a bank vault filled with pallets of cash and the one wiley thief he’d devoted years of his life to catching: Lepra Con. She was finally within his reach, all 4’3 of her. That ingenious criminal mind just a few yards away instead of miles and miles and across an ocean. She was facing away from him, counting money from the stacks before stuffing the bills into her bag, her auburn hair tied into a sleek and functional style atop her head. She appeared to have not noticed him yet, but as Detective Clues would soon learn, ‘appeared’ is the operative word in this situation. 

It’d been a cat and mouse game between the two for years. They’ve been like Sherlock and Moriarty, Batman and Catwoman, Frank Abagnale Jr. and the dude played by Tom Hanks. They both reviled and admired the other from afar, a begrudging respect having cultivated between them over the years. There had been many near misses, a few slips, and even more clandestine looks exchanged over that time, though neither had wanted to admit that last fact to themselves. Taking in a deep breath, mustache twitching as though he was still trying to convince himself that the image of Lepra in front of him wasn’t a mirage, Detective Clues announced his presence. 

“After all this time, I’ve finally caught you, Lepra Con.” Lepra’s muscles momentarily stiffening was the only visible sign that she was surprised. She’d hoped he hadn’t seen that. “Please cease your counting.”

Though it was a name given to her in mockery at the beginning of her criminal career, Lepra Con had learned to use it as a way to distance her less savory persona from her real self. It became an armor of sorts. When working with crooks, it’s not particularly smart to let your colleagues get to know the real you. They didn’t need to know that she liked to bake, or that she liked to study linguistics in her free time. They didn’t need to know that the Giants were her favorite baseball team or that she still went to church for Easter and Christmas every year. All they needed to know was her name, and the reputation she’d built around it. Unfortunately, that very reputation was now on the line in that stuffy vault. 

She’d apparently gotten caught. So what? She’d been “caught” plenty of times before. 

But more important than her getting caught, was how the notorious Lepra Con would inevitably escape. She had a plan, but in the meantime, she needed to stall...

After a moment of thought, Lepra replied to the Detective. 

“So,” she started, slowly turning to face the man who’d interrupted her work, “you’ve caught me.” _That bastard made me lose count. I’m going to have to redo the whole thing. Oh, I am so fucking him up..._ she thought to herself, a small smirk building on her face. “What’re you gonna to do about it?” She was facing him fully now, catsuit snug, sexy, and cliché in all the right places. Her hands were on her hips, eyes narrowing at the detective in an obvious challenge. Her bright red lipstick morphed into a smirk at the surprised look she’d garnered from the detective. _I always knew he was going to be fun to play with when finally given the chance. Hm, that mustache is new. I wonder…_

Though the detective had a good two feet of extra height on her, the piercing look in her hazel eyes couldn’t help but make him feel small. This woman was towering over him with a glare, with the raw power that emanated from her stance. Clues had surprised even himself, finding he liked that stare more than he should, considering she was a world class thief and the target of his global manhunt. _Get ahold of yourself,_ Jan told himself. _This is most certainly NOT the time and place for entertaining such inappropriate thoughts. You’ve faced and almost caught her plenty of times before, but that was always a scuffle with others there. Now it’s just the two of us. Alone…_ Though even as the detective was thinking this to himself, he saw the woman who had played ‘mouse’ in their great game of chase slowly slink towards him. He had long considered himself the ‘predator’ in his hunt for her, but the look in her eyes argued that there was only one prey in that room, and it wasn’t Lepra. 

He had to roughly shake his head to get his thoughts back in order. The action didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Ms. Con,” Detective Clues said, hoping the formality would help to diffuse the built up tension between the two, “I plan on arresting you, and bringing you up on charges of theft, conspiracy, grand larceny, and breaking and entering, amongst other things.” He knew he was babbling, but he needed to in order to keep his inner thoughts somewhat aligned. It almost worked, too. Almost.

“That’s all, Detective?” She practically purred his title. She was really working that cat angle, and it was working. But this isn’t porn about a CatGirl now is it??

“Well if you’re so determined, may I offer a suggestion?” She had stopped in front of him, arms now crossed, craning her neck a little to look at him. _God I hate talking to normates, they always make my neck hurt…_ “It’s going to take a bit of time until your men arrive, isn’t it? Because I know you, and you must have backup coming, right? So why don’t you and I take advantage of being alone together in what is essentially a soundproof room?”

All the blood drained from the Detective’s face and raced south. _Jesus, Mary, and Joseph._

“Well?” She’d started walking towards him again, slowly backing him towards a large pallet of money on the floor. 

Once again the Detective had to shake his head in an effort to order his thoughts. 

“I- I don’t believe that would be appropriate, Ms. Con. Not good for our working relationship you know?”

“I’m a criminal, Clues. There are a different set of rules concerning ‘professional propriety’, but more importantly, I can’t be bothered to care.” And with her last word, she gently pushed the detective backwards, knees having backed up into the pallet of bills behind him. With a WHOOMP, he landed on his back, the air temporarily knocked out of him. 

“Again,” she continued, as she herself climbed onto the pallet next to the detective’s prone form, “would you be down for something fun or not? I may be a criminal, but I’m not going to force you do anything like that against your-”

Before she could finish her sentence, the detective had grabbed the back of her head, pulling her down to him in a passionate kiss. _That certainly feels like an answer, alright._

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” Clues is breathless in his confession. “For years I’ve studied you, your enterprises, your movements around the globe, and I’ve found myself admiring your condemnable actions, Ms. Con. You’re a criminal that needs to be brought to justice, but your mind is dynamic and captivating. It’s intoxicating to witness” 

“Ya know, if this whole detective thing doesn’t work out, I think you could have a career in sappy romance novels, Clues.” Clues had started to blush when Lepra quickly continued, “but I guess your sappy words are working, ‘cause I want to sit on your face.”

Clues was blushing even more furiously at her words, face now bright pink as the criminal before him started unzipping her catsuit, the zipper slowly being dragged down from her collar to her pelvis. She was shedding it like a second skin, and before he knew it, she was completely naked and in the process of straddling his face. 

Without warning or reason, Clues suddenly could think of nothing but his old partner. _Janey Mack, what would Alex think of me now?? He’d be ashamed of me and my actions, he’d be disgusted with the position I’ve put myself in. Wait... why is that so hot?_

Thankfully, it was pussy to the rescue. Lepra had sat herself completely on Clues' face, and he was yanked back into the present by the sharp yanking of his hair.

“That tongue better be useful for more than just pretty words, Clues. Now, get to work. I may be nice later and return the favor.”

Attacking her pussy with his mouth like he would attack a particularly fascinating investigation, he began lapping at her in complete, focusing precise sweeping movements across her clit as she started moaning above him. Wanting to get better leverage, her grabbed her thighs and pulled down, anchoring her firmly to his face. Considering the sounds coming out of her mouth had increased in intensity, he figured it had been a good move. 

“Holy shit-” she moaned, now grinding his face with her pelvis in earnest, “I'm gonna ride this mustache into the sunset, FUCK.”

At this point, she was riding Clues' mustache like his tongue was her trusty steed and she was attempting to rob a moving train. He could barely breathe and, hard as a rock, was in absolute heaven. 

“Oh my god, I’m gonna-” she couldn’t even finish her sentence before her muscles started shaking, waves of pleasure moving through her body as she finally came, nearly crushing the detective’s head with her thighs.

Clues slowly let his own grip on her thighs go as they both caught their breath, heaving in air as though they were drowning only seconds before. Of course, he had been closer to that in reality than she had, but what a great way to drown!

“Whew. No offense, but you’re much better than I thought a nerd like you would be,” she said as she swung her legs back over the detective’s head. She then went to stand up and find her catsuit, still a little wobbly in her stride from the climax she could still feel in her inner thighs. Pulling the suit on, she continued, “Now, I may be a criminal, but I’m not a cad. How about I help you take care of your Little Detective, yeah?” She was pointing directly at Clues' pointer, and he figured she had a point. Point. 

That blush rushed to return to his face at her suggestion, and he looked down at the now straining zipper of his trousers. 

“Yea, uh...” _What the hell is my life??_ “I’d like that very much, Ms. Con.” 

Chuckling lightly at his bashful expression, as if he didn’t still have her juices all over that oddly attractive mustache, she looked around the room for something…

“Ah! Here, detective, come over and sit.” She’d found a simple metal chair, dragging it over to where the detective was still lying back and recovering from what could only be described as the best water-boarding ever. 

“What, why not here?” He raised his brow at her. Why change the venue to only a few feet away?

“Well,” she mustered up all her mental wherewithal to give Clues the sexiest doe eyes she could muster, “sometimes I prefer to be on my knees.”

Clues almost knocked the chair over in his haste to sit in it. Lepra had never seen a man move so quickly. 

“Now, how about we mix things up a bit?” She was now standing between his legs, slowly opening up his trousers’ zipper and pulling out his hard-on. “You keep your hands to your sides,” she had started slowly stroking him, “and grip the legs of the chair. If you’re good and cooperate,” she gave the head of his cock a small twist, spreading the precum there, “I’ll ride you. Again.”

Clues grabbed the legs with muffled clangs. “Yes, Mistress.”

They both stopped in their tracks. Clues had stopped breathing.

“Well, well, well,” Lepra’s grin had morphed into something dangerous and menacing. “If I’d have known you liked that, I would have done this _much_ sooner. You do like calling me Mistress, don’t you?” Her movements on his dick continued from their halt. 

Clues' heart was thudding against his ribs and threatening to break out. He still couldn’t believe the situation he’d found himself in. 

“Yes I do… Mistress.”

Lepra’s grin somehow got wider.

“Good boy. In that case…” She’d let go of him, lightly laughing at his groan, and moved out of sight to get something behind him. As he started to turn his head to watch her, Lepra barked, “Eyes ahead!”. He quickly obeyed, earning himself another “Good Boy.”

She then came up behind Clues, giving his ear a quick nibble before whispering into it, “You ready to have some real fun?”

But before he could respond with an enthusiastic, “Yes, Mistress!” Clues found himself restrained, hands cuffed behind his back and through the metal of the chair.

“Wha- hey! What are you doing??” 

Lepra couldn’t keep from giggling as she rounded him, watching as he struggled with the cuffs, dick out and still somehow impossibly hard. _God, I wish I had a camera, this is too good._

“What am I doing??” She was laughing in earnest, now. “Why, my dear, darling, detective, I’m continuing what I was doing before you so rudely interrupted me earlier. I’m robbing this place blind!” She was doubled over from laughing now. It had all worked so perfectly, and she was giddy with victory. 

“Oh, BOYYYYYYYSS!!” She sing-songed into the air. “The plan is a-go!”

And with that, ten men rushed into the vault, filling up their duffle bags with as much money as they could carry.

“MS. CON! How could you??!?” The detective was still struggling, still with his dick out, and still looking as pathetic as a kicked puppy. Lepra definitely wished she’d brought a camera with her. What a kodak moment. 

“It’s simple, Jan.” She was now leaning into his space, getting mere inches away from his face and slowly continuing forward. “I’m a criminal.” She could still see remnants of her wetness left behind in that wonderful mustache, and she could see the anger and embarrassment in his wild eyes. “But you know what’s more important than that?” 

They stared into each other's eyes, now only millimeters apart. He could feel her breath on his face, a mocking imitation of the feigned intimacy from earlier. 

“I did it because it was fun.”


End file.
